Since when has life in the fast lane become life in the ten under the speed limit lane?

On an aside from a lifeguarding story (don't worry, I'll have one!), I'd love to rant a little bit about everyone's favorite issue, Traffic! It's a bit of a hike to get to the pool I work at and I have to cross two highways daily to get there. Now I know you're thinking, What is she going to say that hasn't been said? Well, instead of complaining incessantly about something reiterated many times over, I'd like to share my Top Five Worst Drivers List.

1.) The Driver going ten under in the fast/left lane.
         We all have experienced this one. The one that just can't seem to pick up the pace no matter how hard he/she (and it's usually a she) doesn't try. This driver can be especially frustrating if there is no room to switch lanes. As obnoxious as it may be, try to stay at a slower pace and wait to change lanes.
2.)  The Geriatric Driver
         There is no running or hiding from this driver. They will be out during all times of the day from 8am-4 pm (any later and they might miss the early bird special). This driver loves to go at least 20 mph under the speed limit. However, they don't know any better. They can barely see over the steering wheel and most have cataracts in their eyes. It's best to avoid driving in the vicinity of this driver at all costs.
3.)  The Important and Busy Jackass
         In case you've been living under a rock for the past year, congress recently passed a law announcing that it's illegal to talk on the phone and drive in the state of Maryland. Nonetheless, there are still those drivers that are sooo busy and important that they cannot even pull over on the highway to finish up a conversation. The stop might impede them from spreading their smugness everywhere. The problem with this driver is that they too go way under the speed limit. Even worse, they're not paying attention so they don't hear all the people honking and shouting profanities at them. It's best to honk once or twice and then try to change lanes. If you can throw in a glare, it might make you feel better.
4.)  The Teenaged/First Time Driver
          We have all been this one, so I can't be too hard on these unfortunate souls. Not only are their hormones driving them wild, but so is their first time responsibility and excitement of driving a car. They act retarded on the road just as they do when hanging out with the opposite sex. They don't look when changing lanes (some girl did this to me today) and they are way too scared to be on the highway. As frustrating as it can be, have a little sympathy and then rush by them in order to get away from the pack of wild hormones in pursuit of the same exit as you.
5.)  The Scared Woman
           This driver has the special distinguishing factor of only being a female. She typically drives an ugly minivan decked out with: "My child is an honor student..." or "[insert sport]" bumper stickers; sometimes she may even drive a decent looking sedan. Nonetheless, she cannot control her lack of depth perception or retardation and cannot drive. She cannot change lanes and panics when a slight turn occurs down the highway. She goes way too slow or is shouting at her child in the front seat. This driver is just plain horrible and sometimes, cursing in your car at her will ease the frustration and again, it's just best to pass her.


These are my top worst drivers. While we may hope, wish and pray that the government will expand on highways 270, 495, and 95, it will just suffice to get these drivers off the road (though it may be impossible).